AMMU's meanings

 Today I have a wierd which is due to some words of my grandmaa.....do I love my father because he works and gets money to fullfill my needs.....my whole and sole answer is NO....I love my dad because ....sorry I have no reason might be the blood or due to the long years we have been together or might be love doesn't have a reason  loving some one doesn't have a reason but hating might have  a reason.....I hate cooking because I feel very low when I cook....for me it has been projected in the society that only people who doesn't have work will stay at home and cook....so hate cooking ......because I am not the trash .....who has to cook and wait for the whole family to have meal together and wait for their complements..... I know cooking is an awesome proffesion and needs alot of efforts.....it's really very artistic to cook....it's a great proffesion.... I don't love my dad materialistically.....I love my dad whole heartedly.....whatever might be the situation....

 Why do people commit suicide......might be that is the only option left.....might be the society pressure to do the best..... Before comiting suicide they want to shout aloud to the world....I DONT WANT TO DO THE BEST.....I WANT TO DO BEYSELF.....I DONT WANT TO BE PERFECT......I WANT TO BE HAPPY......I DONT WANT TO BE AS SOME IDEAL......I WANT TO BE THE ONLY ME.......but might be there is no one to listen....... I wish there might be parents to understand the soul I wish there might be a friend who doesn't judge based on society norms  I wish there might be sibling who can give a hoping words but everyone is busy ......cannot understand the feelings.....no time to understand them I wish I we had time for bilding up relationships..... In this great digital world.......except the the internet everything is trivial......might be we created this situation.....I wish we could be back to 1990s where we can learn about relationships.....

Dear almighty I really cannot see the path I am going through....I am really experiencing the path in which my father's hand is out of my head.....lord please do change my father's heart let him accept my situation.....lord it's really killing me inside.....death due to corona is better than being in this situation....lord a lot of people had many dreadful diseases I am suffering from my own illness named AMIYA ...the symptoms are being lazy,being reckless,being stiffnecked.....I hate my self and please do lord save me from all these.....I wanna go far away .....such I can't see my parents pain...I don't wanna let my parents down........please do show me a path